Tuesday, July 28, 2009

When PMS pays off

I didn't think PMS could ever really pay off. Mood swings, crying at the drop of a pin, irrational anger, feeling like crap, headaches, and the list goes on and on forever. For once it worked in my favor today and probably will never again. I can't do anything without coming to tears today, which completely sucks, but it is what it is. Noah has run out of his singulair, which we can't live without. Back in April we were supposed to get a refill for the next year, I guess the doctor forgot. I am in tears just because I have to call and deal with the difficult doctors office that makes me want to scream at thier lack of personal skills (seriously, why do I go there. Oh the shortage of doctors here). I call and they transfer me to this sweet old lady who says I need to bring Noah in, because his previous doctor, who quit without warning (I don't blame her) didn't make a note of refilling his percription. I come to tears again and am ticked because I don't want to wait a month to get in, now we are considered "NEW" patients at the practice even though we have been going for 5 years now. I ask, amid tears and anger, if I just have to deal with asthma attachs 'till they can get me in in a month at the soonest and I hate this practice for that reason. The sweet lady said she would get me in today with a doctor we haven't seen before. I feel terrible for my emotional outburst, and want to cry again and yet am overjoyed at not having to deal with the receptionists. Do I sound bi-polar yet. So we get ready and go in, I'm feeling good, my emotions are in check. The sweet lady checks Noah in, measures and weighs him and lets me know if I like the doctor and choose to stay with him I shouldn't have to wait more then two days to get in to see him with the kids and call her directly if I am told otherwise. I am grateful, someone who cares. We wait for the doctor and he arrives shortly and we begin talking. All the sudden I am in tears again, talking of the struggles Noah has. It is always evident, and only those close really see how difficult things can be for him sometimes. I am tearing up talking about it, I can tell I am making Noah feel bad, like he has done something wrong, and angry with myself for being so out of control (I tend to keep guarded about difficulties in my life and hate showing my emotions in that way, but no control today). The doctor wants to look into this further and suggests a specialist for us to see that deals with anxiety. I guess be being able to show emotion this time and not hold it in, as in the past talking with doctors, made it seem like something more serious. Needless to say we get to start working with the specialist the end of August. I hope this is the right course. I feel so unsure. I just want to give my children the best life I possibly can and the ability to deal with all that life throws at us. So there is the ONE time PMS might work in my favor. Now let's just pray I get this out of my system today, I can't handle the tears.


Mikael Webb said...

Oh you boob! JK. I am glad to hear Noah get some special attention... even if it took a few tears. I hate crying in front of people too but I might have to try it mroe often now. Love you!

Annie said...

I say go for it if it gets what you need. I should try that more often! It's so embarrassing but maybe I just need to cry it out to my doctor about Eli's troubles! Maybe then they wouldn't look at me and think, "First-time mom." Haha! Hope the specialist gives you the help you need. We all just love that little Noah.

Chanel said...

I can not even begin to tell yo how many times I have cried in doctor's offices. They can be very frustrating and scary places. I hope you have found a DR that you feel comfortable with and can count on. t is so important for both you and your children. Try out the specialist and see what you think. If it is not what you imagined you are not in a contract to continue with them for the rest of your life. maybe you can find some peace of mind and that is worth a lot!!!