Saturday, December 31, 2011

Reflections

As the year comes to an end I like to look back and reflect on the past year. This year is one I will gladly put behind me and look forward to a new one. This is the hardest year I have faced and hope to ever face (unfortunately I do not think this will be). The year started off with a bang, Scott's Dad was going in for his second surgery to drain blood off his brain. Everything went well and we have not noticed any lasting damage. This was hard for the kids, because a few months before our sweet Nanny had fallen and hit her head. It was touch and  go for awhile, she had surgery to give her a feeding tube so she could eat, she was in a nursing home for several months and in now home with her sweetheart. We are thankful to still have her in our lives and cherish the time with her.

 This year has also given us our hardest trial as a family and as individuals. Through it we have received many answers to questions and have begun the process of moving forward. I also have found my darkest and ugliest side that is just begging to come out. I am happy to say that most of the demons have been kept under lock and key and very much under control. Unfortunately other demons have been able  to seep their way into my life. I have become an extremely bitter person, due to the hurt I have allowed others to cause. I have question beliefs that I thought we a lot stronger then they are. On the flip side of that, I have found strength in myself that I didn't know was there. I have found forgiveness for those things which hurt the most. I have developed such true and strong bonds with friends that are so amazing. I am so thankful in how much they have helped me during the past year. I have been able to more fully realize the difference between judging a person, and discerning what is not healthy to have in my life. My family and marriage have never been stronger or more open. (We still have most days that feel like the impossible, but I can also say we are moving forward). I am also thankful that my relationship with my siblings and their spouses have grown stronger through the trials we have faced this last year. They have been so kind, loving and supportive and that is a great blessing to me. I have also felt a new bond being formed and new beginnings with Scott's family also.

As I look forward to this upcoming year there is much to be excited about. I look forward to having the house all done and in order to sell. I look forward to having a fresh start. It will be good to de-junk the house. It is just to bad that once again we will finish the things we wanted to do just in time to move, well if the house sells ;) I am anxious to see where we will be a year from now. I hope I can look back and say that was hard, but not as hard as I thought looking back on it. I am excited to watch the kids as they perform in dance. I can't wait for Scott to take them on their first bear hunt, they are so excited for this. I love that Harley is wanting to learn how to sew this year, with her new sewing machine. I look forward to the time we will have together working on quilting and her and Kaylee's project of making skirts to donate to those in need. I will continue to cherish and dread the weekly trips to ABQ, hate the drive but love the time with the kids. As hard as things can be, there is so much to look forward to in life. It is just getting past the moment and ourselves to be able to see what there really is to look forward to and what really is important.

4 comments:

Brittani said...

AMEN! I asked Grant if it was going to be a better year and he said was last year a bad one...Uh yeah parts of it were! I hope relief comes sooner than later and the bitterness can fade away!

Mikael & Ronnie Squire said...

I have to second everything you said. I have a hard time saying I hated last year because I got married and everything, but other than saying "I do" I pretty much just want to forget last year and am ready to start a new one. Here is to new beginnings!

Chanel said...

Have I told you lately that your AWESOME!!!

Chanel said...
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