Thursday, April 12, 2012

Crazy Busy

Life has been crazy around here lately. We are trying to get the house all in order to get it up for sale and hopefully moving this summer.I just want to know who snuck in all the crap I am going through and when did they do it?!?! I can't believe how much we have accumulated over the past however many years we have lived in this house. We are getting there and I am getting SO excited and ready. I have my moments of sadness and doubt, but then I get hit over the head with a big moment of "Hey stupid, you are moving in the right direction." I know the draw backs of leaving don't even come close to the benefits of moving. I am so ready to move forward. I am tired of my sad, bitter and lonely times (granted they aren't all that often anymore, but I think the loneliness is the worst). I can't believe how much my outlook on life has changed in the past year. I have learned many hard and humbling lessons. My faith has been shaken to it's core and I struggle to get it back and keep it afloat. I realize it must mostly be pride in my way, but it is hard no matter how much I pray. I guess sometimes when we feel so utterly abandoned by everyone including God and religion, the two things I always thought I could lean on, it is hard. I am grateful my kids are healing and I see their happy selves coming back through. I am grateful for the help family has given to us through this hard time and the help they continue to give and we get ready to move on. I have come to realize that I have to not care what people think about me, especially those who don't know what we are going through and as other spread lies that hurt deeply. I just have to be confident in who I am and in my journey in life and know that I am doing my best, despite how meager it is. I am trying hard not to judge, for I have not walked in others shoes. They are probably doing the best they can too, thank goodness I am not the one in charge of judgement. All I can do is try to create a healthy family and home. I look forward to being done sorting through the piles and piles of junk we have in this house, finishing the many projects, and getting the house on the market.

1 comment:

Chanel said...

I just read this. Amen to everything sister. You are an amazing woman, wife, sister, and MOTHER!!!! Do not ever let yourself doubt that, ever. If you do, you have plenty of people you can call that would tell you the same. You know it, do not let anyone ever take that from you! I LOVE YOU!!!