Thursday, January 29, 2009

My Own Worst Enemy

Why is it that we are our own worst enemies? I hate that it is a daily battle inside my head. My biggest battle right now is wanting to run, or at least at the beginning of the week it was. I wasn't able to run much (2 miles) last week and then I got sick. I didn't want to push it and become worse. Then this week rolls around and I haven't run for a week and don't really want to. By now I really don't want to run in the race, it just doesn't seem like it sounds fun anymore and I am tired. Well I talk myself into running 2 miles and go to the gym. I get three miles in and feel great. It didn't even feel like I had missed anything. Then Yesterday rolls around and my arm is killing me. It hurts to lift and pretty much just move. What the Heck did I do? I just ran, how could one arm be so dang sore? I know I'm retarded and look even more so running, but this is ridiculous. So today rolls around, I'm a little less sore. But, I really don't want to run today, so I just go and do it, only 2 miles since Sat. I need to run 6.5 - 7 (YIKES). Well I get home and low and behold, I have a blister on the arch of each foot. Come on now!! I have a hard enough time motivating myself. Do we really need to make this any harder. To add insult to injury, someone said that I wasn't training very good (enough) and wouldn't be ready for the race. Thanks! This is hard enough. I wish I had someone to train with, maybe that would help. If I could just get outside of my head and be more positive about this. But, alas, it is hard when your tires, hurting and discouraged. The only thing motivating me at the moment is proving people wrong and showing that I can finish the race, even if it takes ten times longer then anyone else and I bring up the rear. Even if my family is waiting by themselves at the end because it has taken me so long to finish. I will do it to prove I can and that is the only thing keeping me going right now (because we know it is not losing weight that is, since I just want to keep packing it on, and on , and on, should I go on?)


The Nielson's said...

Come to Price. I'll train with you. Do you think I could even run one mile? I doubt it. At least you'd feel much better about yourself if you train with me.

Stephanie said...

Oh, man. I know exactly how you feel. I have shin splints that won't seem to go away and I can't run at all. I have been working out, but I am SO not ready for this race. I don't even want to do the stupid thing anymore anyway. And I'm only doing the 5 mile! You are so brave! Heck, I figure if we finish it - I don't even plan on running half of it - then we are still awesome. :)